Confronting the Self
Students of Metaphysics are very well aware of the depression, feelings of meaningless, hardship connected to “long night of the soul”, after which you’ve entered into the next phase of awakening. Signs, synchronicities, angel numbers, hunger for exploration and learning, are common on this path. Often, we find our first teacher and connect to the masters.
It’s all nice and peachy. We feel enlightened, supported by the newly found community, proud that we survived that hard and long process. We can even feel empowered enough to think we are so awakened that we can become teachers, mentors and practitioners. We so easily navigate towards yoga, veganism, artistry, astrology, oracle cards, all kinds of popular ancient and new age discipline and holistic techniques. Years are passing.
Then, plateau comes. No one is warning us about this next phase of Nothing.
We can feel tired, doubtful, unsatisfied. Nothing is happening, meditation isn’t satisfying anymore, there are no more signs on the road. Synchronization is so rare, we pray for any. “Oh Lord, have you forsaken me?”
What am I doing wrong?
Our practice suddenly feels boring, plain, unsatisfactory.
Our teachers sound outdated.
Books on the subject we adored, now feel like we have read them all already, once a long time ago. The long night of the soul is here again. But this time so sneakily, that many can’t even fathom what is going on. Yes, many will try spiritual bypassing. Spending money on new education, webinars, retreats, herbs, new techniques. Some will try even harder, to be positive, to recite something that feels untrue or in a way, not completely” finished” truth.
Depression is hitting hard. This time, you have knowledge and awareness to recognize that new phase of the “Second Awakening “.
And here you are.
You and the Creator. Mostly you think the Superpower is not here or even listening. So, you can only have one option. To be still. And listen.
Often, there will be nothing. But be still. And again, listen.
Be persistent.
New awareness is merging.
“Knowledge” and constant education start to feel unimportant. Who said what and why? You are not a follower anymore.
Your next phase of Mastery begins. And it’s lonely, dry, with some “forks on the way”.
False prophets and false teachers. Financial struggles as an ultimate test. Everything seems unbelievably hard once again. You are finding that inner cynic and critic inside yourself.
You don’t have any choice but to embrace him. It’s part of you.
Yes, that’s right, you are not just a shiny spirit in the LALA land. You have a physical body that hopelessly need some help, vitamins, care, massage, hormones, a cane… sometimes it needs some ice cream and a hug. A cup of coffee with a friend. Yes, you still have them.
Boom. Earth is calling your name! Back to your body and experiences.
Skeptic in you will ask, are you back in the 3D? Is this the same Matrix you worked so hard to escape? Or another parallel reality?
Are you dreaming? Sleeping? Awake?
What the hell is going on? Mind is racing, while you try hitting a gym, trying to lose excess water retention and belly fat. Menopause? Some disease? Hypochondriac?
Cake and coffee will give some boost while doom scrolling the reels with more fortunate influencers and very chirpy young spiritual wannabe teachers.
They don’t understand you. Or Me. I’m alone in this. I failed. 25 years of trying to reach the stars.
Perhaps, my mission is to raise my child to be a someone, someone who is better than me. Maybe her purpose is more important than mine?
Maybe I have to save animals?
Maybe I have to be a good friend and listen to other people’s problems. Maybe that’s my purpose?
Maybe aliens are coming so everything will seem more exciting?
Because this world doesn’t seem right anymore.
Wars, ‘lists’, gas, moms killing their children, religion-not meant to be existing in 21st century- thriving, women’s rights being dismantled, people celebrating a war criminal in a small country across the world…
No, we need those aliens. ASAP.
Sometimes, I don’t know what is happening.
It’s probably menopause.
Who knows how and what, anyways.
I can only be still. And observe, holding the little light I still possess.
And maybe I’m right in the middle of the Third Awakening.