This year I will have been working for Maitreya for 21 years. It seems such a long time since I was told I would be working with “A higher consciousness,” yet it only feels a short time ago. When I started with him, I was filled with fear, and I mean abject fear, the kind of fear that roots you to the ground! 21 years later I have no fear, and have let go of so much conditioning I hardly remember the woman I was! Over the years, Maitreya’s energy has helped me to release all of the fear and conditioning I had. So many people tell me I am so lucky to have had Maitreya’s energy and guidance in my life. Yes, I have been lucky, but it also took so much energy to face the fears I had, and then to face the fear of letting go of the conditioning, as I was raised in so much conditioning and superstition. My mother would throw salt over her shoulder if she spilled it; we dare not put new shoes on the table after buying them, if we did it was the sign of whoever did so, having an argument. There were so many superstitions, and the fear it evoked was terrible. The conditioning was also very much a part of life. As a ten year old, I was not allowed to go to the next street because a black African family lived there.
At seventeen, I went to a dance where there were two black men. Even at that time of my life, I recognized energy, and they had lovely energy! My father had told me that if a white woman was seen with a black man, she was little more than a prostitute. So, I kept a long distance from the men, but one of them came over and asked me to dance. I knew if I refused the man would think it was for racial reasons. So, I said, “just one dance then,” and I remember the feeling of fear in case anyone saw me and told my father. Of course no one did, but the fear was terrible and stayed for a long time with me. My conditioning was more than the amount of fear I had. Over 21 years it has all been removed, and to be honest it is liberating not to have it. It is interesting also in the fact that the majority of people who come as clients are those with so much fear, and through my own experiences and Maitreya’s energy I can help them remove it!
A lot of the time the fear and conditioning is connected to a past life experience. I remember when I was 21 and found myself pregnant with my eldest daughter, whom I finally gave up for adoption, leaving home at 3 months into my pregnancy because I was frightened to tell my parents, I was terrified of telling them because they were into, “what will the neighbors say?” I was 21 for goodness sake, an adult, but the fear of telling them about my pregnancy was so bad, I actually left and wrote a letter informing them in that way. I was not to know, and did not discover until many years later, there was a past life between my father and I connected to my being pregnant!
Until we can rid ourselves of our fear and conditioning, we cannot return home to Spirit to stay. We have to keep returning back to the Earth plane to try removing it again; we cannot take it home to Spirit with us. It is no wonder people get depressed and try and to return home by committing suicide. Yes, I was lucky to have Maitreya help me, and I now help others as he did me. But, I had to face the fear, and it was scary, exhausting and I could not run away, Maitreya made sure of that. I remember every fear and how he forced me to face it also.
It is so liberating not having it anymore, it has also helped me to become more intuitive, as without the fear and conditioning I have opened up to more intuitive awareness and freedom. The thing was, when I had faced the fear, or let go of conditioning, I would say, “Why did I not do this before?” I also raised my vibration more and more as I let go. We can all help ourselves with our fear, we can stop running away and face it, the same with the conditioning we have. But, I can tell you, if you do not have it, you do not miss it, and once faced, it is gone forever!