Over the last few weeks, and during the time of the Eclipses, I went through a personal and very private experience. It made me look at my life very closely, and changed the way I looked at a lot of things in my personal life. It forced me to look at areas of my life I thought were safe, and brought up a lot of emotion and pain for me. During that time, I went really deep inside of myself and it was as if I took a scraper into a large barrel and scraped it out! More than anything it showed me how powerful the past life energy is, and how it can destroy us.
I learned a lot more about life itself, and it really opened up a new door for me in many ways. It is common thought that as one raises one’s vibration, one becomes less affected by life itself, but for me my experiences made me realize how we never stop learning, growing, and of how painful it is at times. This year I am 68 years old, I have been with Maitreya for 22 years, and working with spirit for 29 years, very much like a Saturn return. With my Saturn in the 10th house my journey has not been an easy one. I had so much fear, doubt, lack of confidence for years, and a terrible fear of failure, it stopped me in my tracks so many times. I could not see it at the time it occurred, but now looking back, I can see it.
I learned so much about fear, how it can stifle and strangle you, about my Self and how it manipulated me, and controlled the energy of the Higher Self. My experience during the Eclipses brought it all up again, and I almost gave everything away, to settle down to a retired life. So why did I not do that? It was because after the Self had done its damage, and boy did it do some damage; the Higher Self came immediately in. It was like a paramedic coming into an accident scene, and soothed not only my soul, but also pointed out my work was not done yet, I still had much to do.
Ironically, the week all this happened I had a post from someone on Facebook, which was removed almost immediately, from someone who wrote and said I should retire, that I had never been successful in anything I had done, and I only had a few years of my life left! How about that for the Self bringing in the troops, which really at the time when I was feeling so low, tried to influence me that I was wasting my time staying in the work I was doing? It forced me to see what I HAD done with my life, and I was able to see I had not done such a bad job, with all my fears, doubts, insecurities, and problems, I had made it until now, and the future for me was not going to be spent in a cottage with chintz curtains, doing a few readings for people! (my Self loves country cottages with chintz curtains, lol.)
It also brought home to me the fact that no matter what we go through, there is always a light there for us to switch on in our darkest hour; it is called the Higher Self. And if we use it, it can lead us home to where we need to be, and shine a light within us. That light can annihilate, for a while, the Self part of us, which just wants the easy way out. As I was writing this newsletter, I decided to look at my natal chart as if I were a child, and it states ” Margaret will want to run away from difficulty and challenge;” and I realized I had finally conquered that part of me, I felt very happy I had finally done that.
Our life is given to us to learn and grow, we chose it, create it and live it. Many of us face the difficulties and move on in our life, creating new challenges and new lessons, some of us are too scared to move on. If you are one of those people, just know, it can be faced and you can succeed, try not to have fear and that if I can do it, you can do it also. You are greater than you think, stronger than you even know, you just have to believe it and it will be!