In Astrology, our life purpose is encoded in the north and south node of the moon. The North Node of the Moon represents our karmic paths and the lessons we came here to learn, it is our destiny – a new path to attain soul growth that we set up for ourselves in this incarnation. Its exact opposite point is the South Node of the moon; it represents where we came from and what we have already developed. It reveals the gifts and challenges we bring in from previous lifetimes. The South Node of the Moon is our comfort zone. We subconsciously cling to these traits, attributes and situations, because they make us feel safe and secure due to their familiarity. However, when we are holding onto these South Node characteristics, they will eventually make us feel stuck and stagnant as if we are lost and we do not know where to go or what to do. The only way to move forward is to develop and build our life towards to our chosen destiny – the North Node of the Moon that is represented in our natal chart. This building process is not an easy process at all, because it means that we are leaving the comfort zone behind and going on a journey or adventure into the unknown. It is a process of letting go of fear and doubt, and of building self-confidence and truly believing in ourselves.
This is what I have been going through and exactly where I am right now. In my natal chart, I have the North Node of the Moon in Capricorn in the 1st house, the house of “I am”, and the South Node of the Moon in Cancer in the 7th house, the house of marriage and partnerships. This Node position and configuration indicates that I have had many lifetimes where I was a caretaker, mother, wife and was dependent on relationships. I have allowed others to make decisions for me and to take care of me. In the current life, I have chosen to learn to be self-sufficient and to move from the role of nurturer to the role of provider. Therefore, my destiny path is to become independent and to master my own life by taking full responsibility for myself, and by learning patience, practicality, discipline and perseverance.
To be myself has been a major theme in my whole life. It has been a journey of constant developing and building towards my destiny. My deepest fears and past life issues have been triggered for me to face and deal with to assist/force me to develop and evolve. In the past months, I have been struggling to fight my deep fear of failure, extreme self-doubt, low self-esteem and lack of confidence. My Self was so scared; it has been fighting me as I try to move forward. It has made me very emotional, sensitive and constantly question myself as to whether I am truly able to do anything successful for myself. It has taken a lot of energy and a great amount of effort to do even the simplest things. The words effortlessly pop out of my mouth, “I am stupid, I am an idiot, I can’t do anything right, I am a failure…” accompanied by what seems like never-ending emotional turmoil. There were many moments I was dragged into a place of deep horrified fear of failure that made me want to quit, because it seemed like there was “no way out”…
Thanks to Margaret/Maitreya and the many years training and help that they gave me, I know that “giving up” is not an option and that I need to summon the strength to face my fears, doubts and insecurities and move forward. This is a battle between my Higher Self and my Lower Self. The battle with my Self is not easy at all, and it will never be. The only way to escape a stuck and stagnant situation is to fight the Self and to let go of whatever the Self has been clinging to. This letting go process has created a constant healing crisis for me. The energy has finally come to the surface and I am clearing it, and I do feel much better. I now can see that I am reconstructing and building my destiny path through letting go and building self-confidence.
The process of moving towards my true destiny is a slow process. It is a process of fighting the Self by facing fear of rejection and failure, and by building my confidence of truly believing in myself. It is an adventure and journey of exploring the unknown and discovering a new part of me. It is a process of raising consciousness and advancing my soul. The journey is the reward!