Journey is the Destination
To me, this year has been a year of growing into womanhood. I am a mother of two already. Many thanks to Margaret for her invaluable guidance to assist me in my quest to conceive. I had to work on my past trauma related to children, and learn lessons relating to the placement of Saturn in the 5th house of my natal chart. This year, I came to know from my teacher Jean, that Saturn’s lessons are ongoing, as my children grow, and it is also to assist me in healing my inner child. I am thankful for her invaluable guidance this year.
At each stage of life, it offers new lessons to learn and reminds us to appreciate and celebrate life. I released a lot of energy relating to my past this year. With Chiron in Gemini in my 12th house, the lessons on communication with my children, husband and others played out. The more I reflect on conversations that happened, it becomes obvious to me that subconscious memories spontaneously sabotaged and colored those conversations, which left me with a feeling of incompleteness. Even with elaborate or sometimes emotional communications, I found it hard to communicate the complete picture of what I meant, as if I was talking about it for first time! This was especially true in regard to talking about day-to-day experiences in life from a spiritual perspective! My moon in Cancer brings me lessons to learn about being a mother and tempering my need for security and control. The deeper I look into my soul, the deeper I journey into my past and I see patterns that were begun as coping mechanisms, or began as mere thoughts, but over many lifetimes has defined how I now perceive reality. I also find a part of me that does not necessarily agree with these patterns, in fact sees it as a waste of energy, and sheds light to bring an ongoing pattern to my attention. When this happens, I see a particular thought process as a pattern, I become aware of a choice it presents. What I do with it is up to me! When I choose to be something other than the pattern, I change. Change brings the unknown. It brings healing as well. Much of my past lives that need healing are to do with trauma related to my deepest feminine essence. Spirit is telling me I need to speak about it, so here it is.
One day, as I did my usual meditation on visualizing Sun of Aquarian Age, and requesting to dissolve past shame and resentment away, all my body appeared to be effortlessly blown and healed with the solar winds, except for my uterus and privates that deliver a child. These organs stood still suspended in space. The uterus was pumping blood as if it is preparing to house a child and waiting for a spark to come from Universe. I was caught completely by surprise; I didn’t feel comfortable in the least! I felt as though having a uterus and being a female was shameful, and something to hide. I felt burdened as if the responsibility of being female was beyond my capacity and the education that was given to me and the world I live! My teacher Karen helped me with information from Spirit, indicating that I had lived in a time on Earth when the masculine and feminine principles were in balance, followed by domination by the masculine, and I went through that experience. It was the beginning of the time when feminine goddesses were treated lesser or secondary than male gods, goddess temples were vandalized and so much more inequality happened. Even some women were seduced by the male dominant energy and reacted negatively to other women. Karen mentioned that, the world has certainly gotten better for women but not that much has changed. She also mentioned that the uterus has its own energy vortex present in women that is not in men. The Uterus it the strongest muscle in body, it brings a new life into the world, and it also gathers emotional energy from both man and woman during intercourse and helps releasing it via mensuration. It is an organ that is not given reverence as needed to be given. As Karen answered my questions, a new visual related to my above meditation came in – a burning piece from sun travelled into the uterus that was suspended in space to create a new life, that it is indeed a divine plan. I am grateful for Karen, for providing insight about my own body functions. From my understanding, significant time in life of female goes into taking care of her reproductive health, and coping with changes, to be at peace and balance with her body, in a male dominant world. I see many females suffering in many parts of the world since they were infants until they leave their body, due to inequality. I also see many master teachers helping with healing feminine energy and to bring balance between male and female. Maitreya via Margaret spoke about it: https://youtu.be/qAh236VVrE0. Also, Djwhal Khul teachings via Kathlyn Kingdon spoke about it: https://masterdk.com/pages/shop#a-dying-patriarchy and held classes. These are extremely helpful, and I am very thankful for them and they provided me a much bigger picture and education. But when I found a need to heal, to bring change in communicating with myself and others, I need to do the work! I need to go into my past to find the reason for discord in the energy flow, clear it, let go, expand my awareness about creation and the Ultimate Being, see a positive transformation happen and forgive the situation and persons involved, forgive myself, and keep it going. From these experiences, so far, the outcome of each such transformation has brought about becoming an empowered female, experiencing womanhood as divinity, and as part of the divine plan of the creator, and it as equally powerful as being masculine in different way. My communications seem to have improved to be empowering to both me and others, and it is an ongoing learning process and there is lot to learn. This year I learnt not be afraid to go deep into past, as it could help in bringing back missing pieces of me to be whole again. Gradually, I began to identify myself as a soul on a journey that is not gender specific. Where I am now is where I need to be in divine perfection As we embrace guidance from intuition, it leads us closer to divine within. If it is not for this journey so far, I wouldn’t have found ways to work on my hologram, to manifest peace and balance in my life. This also helps me in raising my children, as they are on their own journey! My journey is my destination indeed.
I wish you all a beautiful, happy and healthy new year filled with graceful opportunities to learn and grow and blessed with abundance!