A year ago, I wanted a second baby so much, but my husband didn’t. We already have a daughter, and how my daughter came to this world is a story of its own. With Margaret’s reading and Jean’s Past life regression, and clearing old energy, my daughter whose existence for me was once a far reached dream, manifested. I wanted to have another child to keep her company, as we don’t have many visits from our families. Margaret’s passing brought so much emotion and I didn’t think I had another chance to have another baby, because of her invaluable help with the conception of my first baby.
My husband likes to travel and said that he would like to have a family vacation to Europe before another baby. So I decided to have the vacation a year early and we went to Iceland when my daughter was 2.5 years old. We lived in a camper van for 15 days and there is another article I wrote about the lessons learnt during the vacation. Then we went to Yellowstone National Park on another vacation. In my opinion all the travel was to impress my husband to have another baby. I also did a course with Karen to not only continue my study, but also to clear the way for the next baby.
My health was not good and my emotions took over. I was able to conceive, yay, but then it didn’t workout, and the sadness I felt was very difficult to contain. Karen has been there and supported me when I emailed her, as my emotions overflowed. My health started to degrade very quickly, but I had to go to India to my brother’s wedding. After coming back from India, I was bedridden most of the day. I still worked full-time from bed, supporting myself with my elbows as I worked on my computer. I hoped for a miracle and tried all kinds of modalities.
Karen gave me healing and said that it has to do with my anger with God and trying to control the uncontrollable, and that I was forcing myself to have the second baby. Karen had mentioned that I need surgery, but it was too scary, until one day I couldn’t tolerate the pain. My daughter would hang around my bed wanting to spend some time with me, but the pain was too much. It made me question what I was doing to my daughter and myself? It was the first time I had come to realization that I don’t need another child to be happy, and I don’t have to put my daughter through so much as she missed my company for months. I finally had an emergency surgery as my illness was in its last stages.
My parents came to help and then left after I started to walk a little. So I was back to thinking of having a second child as my daughter again started to miss family. But my health didn’t get better completely. I followed my own doctor-approved health regiment to keep me going, but the pain kept coming each day and then faded by the evening. Then the occasional depression attacks would come and they lasted for a week sometimes. I felt trapped, as I couldn’t run away from my body and the discomfort each day. Then there was discussion about a second surgery.
Jean and Karen helped me with clearing some of the old energy that was related to my childhood. After that there were a few good days, but then again there was pain, especially when my husband had to travel for work. I felt like I was stuck on a never-ending loop of sickness! At this point all I wanted was to find something that would make me alive and happy. Jean mentioned that my Saturn is in Sagittarius, my 6th house of health! No wonder I have felt stuck and restricted for so long! Karen gave me an affirmation – I love myself and I show the love by taking care of myself.
The more I used the affirmation and put it into action, I discovered something that I didn’t think of before, and that is, my body is my first baby. It was a bit of a shock to me and I felt shame when I found it. To confirm more, a Sanskrit song came into my mind that says the Body is the Temple, the House for the Soul, not just for me, but it is the gateway that allows our entire material world to function. The body is that vital and special, we need to honor it.
Without the body, it is hard to imagine the soul having the pleasure of expression and learning? I only know in theory that the Body is Karmic in nature and when we are not learning the lessons we came to learn, the life force in the body starts to disintegrate into the background. I realized how much I pushed my body as if it didn’t matter to me, I traveled without care, I took care of others when I needed to take care of myself, and I got carried away by my own emotions about having another baby.
The self had distracted me from learning lessons through my Saturn transit. As I let go, I am healing. I still have even deeper depressions, I email to my teachers, and write in my journal to keep releasing my emotions, but my intuition is also improving along the way. So maybe it’s not as bad as I thought, may be it is all part of the game of learning lessons. My husband now can see that my daughter needs company, but I have learnt to let go, I need to get completely better first. My body is my first love, thank you God, for such a beautiful functional body, I take care of my body with lots of love and care.