Letting Go of Expectations
by Jean Luo
The quality of our human life is often defined through the relationships we have. How do we relate to each other? How do we interact with each other? How do we communicate with each other and how do we get along with each other, etc.? Unfortunately, human relationships are one of the most complex lessons we are all here to learn. It is not only the many life lessons unfolding through our human experiences in our relationships with each other, even with ourselves, but the deep wounds, such as heartbreak, betrayal, rejection, abandonment, intensive emotions, and human dramas that are also playing out through human relationships, especially the close ones – partnerships, marriage, parents and children, friends, siblings, colleagues, etc.
I have been teaching a private course called Healing Your Chiron Wound. It has enabled me to experience profound change and constant transformation, not only for the students but also for myself. The Chiron wound is very deep and personal even though it is a generational energy. An individual’s cultural background, upbringings, beliefs, conditioning, past life experiences and deep subconscious soul memories are all the ingredients that make the Chiron wound raw, deep, personal, and persistent. As such, healing the Chiron wound is a critical healing path for souls seeking to evolve from Lower-Self-Consciousness to Higher-Self-Consciousness.
There are many causes creating the Chiron wound. One of them I have noticed from the private teaching is expectation. Having expectations is common while we are in a relationship, especially the close ones. Unfortunately, when we project our expectation onto someone and something, we have already made assumptions that the person whom we project our expectation onto should do what we have expected. When it does not happen, it often results in disappointment, hurt, wounded feelings, and all sorts of emotion. It eventually severs the relationship. We then tend to blame the other person for the failure of the relationship. We find all the reasons to justify our disappointment, hurt, pain and emotions without realizing that we cannot blame anyone for it happening, and we are the ones who should be fully responsible for it happening. Everyone in our life is a mirror and a teacher; everything that happens in our life reflects what is inside us. When we cast our expectations onto others, we are projecting our own fear, insecurity, lack of confidence, and lack of self-love to the Universe. Thus, the Universe will bring souls who can act upon our projection into our life and our relationships.
One of Maitreya’s core teachings is that we are all here to become “The Master of our own life”. It means that we take full responsibility for our own thoughts, words, choices, decisions, actions, and reactions, etc., and we stop choosing to live in a victim mentality. We need to understand that when we project our expectations to others, we are giving away our own power and responsibility for our life. Furthermore, when we expect something from someone, we also make assumptions based on our own conditioning and beliefs about how they should be and what they should do. It is not total and unconditional acceptance. Thus, projecting our expectations to anyone or anything we are involved with is a poison to our relationship and a roadblock to becoming the master of our own destiny.
How can we stop projecting expectations in relating to others or in a relationship? We start from learning to express ourselves freely, speak our truth quietly and clearly, and communicate openly by expressing our thoughts, feelings, ideas, and desires honestly and tactically by not making any assumptions or demands, and by taking full responsibility for the role we play in the relationship. I learnt this from Maitreya simply by observing him talking to people and handling issues. He always communicated quietly and clearly with compassion, caring, respect and understanding, without any demands or assumptions. He always asked the person who he was talking to clearly what he/she really felt and made sure he/she knew clearly about their decision or choice, or what he/she really wanted.
Then, we need to learn the art of compromise and how to reach mutual agreement. If we want to have a beautiful relationship, we need to have mutual respect for each other’s differences. We need to learn to accept that we can have a different opinion but can still live together in peace and harmony. We must be comfortable in allowing each other to be their own person with total acceptance. We must strive to not try to change anyone and give each other freedom and space. We should not expect anyone to do anything for us that we cannot do for them.
Thirdly, learn to ‘not’ point fingers at each other, or blame others for something when they fail to meet the expectation we set, or they do not do it our way. Everyone is unique in their own way and has their own right to make their own decisions as they wish, we should not judge or criticize.
Fourthly, learn to forgive, forget, and let go, not to hold onto any hurt, grudge, anger, resentment, or any ‘negative’ emotions. Endeavor to do this not only to others, but most importantly, to ourselves. Do Not be afraid of admitting our own mistakes and fault.
Fifthly, detach from the other person’s emotions. Don’t justify yourself or your actions, simply detach with the knowing that you are not guilty when you stand in front of the energy of “God”. Take full responsibility for our own thoughts, words, actions, and reactions. When we start to take full responsibility for our own life, when we stop expecting something from others, we will have more energy and time to do things for ourselves. In this way, we are learning to look after ourselves, nurture ourselves and love ourselves. Gradually, we are becoming the captain of our own destiny and the master of our own life.
Finally, if you are having a relationship issue, I’d like to recommend you have an astrological compatibility reading. It will help you find out what issues and lessons you need to learn from this relationship. You will gain some insights and understanding for how to relate to each other.