Letting It Be
August this year has been quite emotionally intense. In fact, you could say it began right at the start of the month. I have been going through some very deep lows, where I have had to face loneliness right down to the bone. I was given the opportunity to be completely alone with myself. I have actually done that many times before, but then I have usually felt a sense of well-being and freedom. This time, however, I felt completely alone in the world.
This loneliness is not really about whether I am physically alone or not. It is a feeling within me that has been with me since I was a child. The feeling of loneliness reached new heights in the days leading up to August 8. After that, another feeling took over, one I also know very well: an inner anger that I had no idea where it was coming from. The anger bubbled and boiled inside me for days, and inwardly I was like a raging bull, even though there was no one around me.
Sometimes we simply need to face the energy and emotions that live within us by being alone.
I am fairly certain that the solar eclipse at the South Node in Leo had this effect on me, bringing to the surface the emotions that have followed me most strongly throughout my life. There have also been all kinds of smaller emotional fluctuations, both heavy emotions and moments of lightness that have brought me great joy.
The eighth day of August has been a favorite of mine over the years, especially in recent years. It has become a kind of day of joy. In my mind, it is one of the brightest days of the year. I feel as though a gateway opens at this time, where we are completely immersed in cosmic energy, deeply connected to our own soul essence, the energy of the universe, and beings of light, wherever they may come from.
As the energy of the solar eclipse began to come in at full force, I felt an enormous pressure. The emotional release has affected me in all kinds of ways. My body felt like a French press, with the coffee—or the emotions—being pressed down or pushed out. I felt pressure around my third-eye chakra, heart chakra, and throat chakra, and it also affected how I felt physically.
The best thing about this solar eclipse was being able to stay at home and experience it there. There is something extraordinary about being able to experience a solar eclipse at your own home, sitting outside in the garden where I know the plants and trees so well.
It is amazing to experience a solar eclipse, even when the sky is cloudy, and to feel how everything in the energy seems to contract and somehow become one—a kind of unity.
As the darkness grew deeper and deeper, I watched a little rowan tree that had decided all by itself to seed itself among the flowers in my garden. It had found its own place. It was as though I connected with it in that moment and could clearly sense how it drew its energy further and further inward as the darkness deepened. I felt as though it smiled mischievously at me and said, “I’m still here.” A few days earlier, I had actually tried to give it away, but no one came to collect it. In that moment, it was as though we looked into each other’s eyes and had a conversation.
Although I was watching the tree and sensing what was happening within it, I knew at the same time that the same thing was happening within me and within everything else.
It is remarkable to feel just how profoundly the Sun affects all life on Earth.
At the height of the eclipse, which lasted only a moment, it was as though complete silence descended and took over everything. Nature became so gentle and still, yet at the same time made its presence strongly felt through the scent of vegetation after all the rain that had poured down and was still falling from the sky during the eclipse.
I have always loved darkness and the stillness that comes with it. There is something so soft and gentle about it, just as the rain usually is.
The pressure on my body continued throughout the entire time the darkness was descending. It felt as though all the darkness was being pressed out of my energy—everything that could possibly be pressed out. It had actually become physically uncomfortable.
And then, suddenly, everything shifted.
The light began to return, and at the same time I began to feel lighter. It was an extraordinary moment, and the lightness that followed was unlike anything I had experienced before.
The night after the solar eclipse, I had very vivid dreams telling me that changes were ahead of me—changes that I myself would have to take part in if I wanted to see them become a reality.
I woke in the middle of the night and felt a short phrase come to me. A phrase that I knew was about letting go and surrendering:
“Let it be.”
As soon as I began repeating this phrase like a mantra, I started trembling with fear. I felt as though I were losing control.
But in reality, it was only my fear that was losing control.
I was also shown how countless walls, created by the mind and continually reinforced by it, would begin to fall away the moment I started to allow and trust. And in doing so, life would become so much easier.
This is not about stopping myself from envisioning positive things or giving up my dreams and desires. It is about not standing in my own way and trusting that the universe will bring me what is best for me.
Without feeling that I have to dig and hack my own way through everything, while at the same time trying to control exactly how the outcome should unfold, thereby creating obstacles myself that delay—or even completely block—the things that could otherwise come to me with ease.
It is, of course, much simpler to receive what life brings us, even when it arrives on a silver platter.
It was an extraordinary feeling. And of course, the universe has shown me many times how things can happen in incredible ways if I simply allow, trust, and stop deciding exactly how they are supposed to happen.
Perhaps that is exactly what “Let it be” is reminding me:
Allow. Trust. Don’t stand in the way of what wants to come to you.