The Ambrosia within us
This topic needed a lot of courage for me to write, for I had some past life energy to overcome to write about such a topic. But I was guided to write it, so here it goes.
In February, on one of the days, I remembered an uncomfortable situation that had streaks of memories that belong to both my present lifetime and many past lives. This troubling situation has an energetic footprint formed from abuse, powerlessness, systematic manipulation, persuasion, innocence being violated, especially because of being a beautiful female. These incidents were also paired with physical damage done again and again over many incarnations and created much psychological trauma. The past life energy patterning had become so deep and buried in my soul memories. I had repeated many lifetimes of similar energy, and although the circumstances were slightly different, the results and impacts were psychologically the same. Who knew something so painful and powerful would come up at this time! But with spiritual development there is really no place to hide and when it is time to deal with past life energy, the Universe will trigger it.
The one thing that stood out while I was overcoming my current life circumstances was a knowing and belief deep within my heart that said to me that I would be considered by my Master teacher and Universe with pure innocence. I was consoled by the feeling that I am loved, and I will be understood. This thought is the one that kept me alive and kept suicidal tendencies away from me. With it I had the courage to move on and make changes to my life which kept me going to have a career and lasting relationships. When I think about it now, it was as if that I had been watched over by the Divine, like, ‘enough is enough’, we are here for you so you can fulfill your soul mission no matter what the world thinks. A deep part of me also valued Life itself and I think started with me being in communion with nature very early in childhood while growing up on a farm. Thankfully this all saved my life and brought me to the present day.
Yet, this February, a deep healing crisis was in my face. The memories were not done yet! I tried desperately to contemplate the beauty of nature around me to assist me to heal. It did give me some comfort, but again there were intense emotions, as if I was screaming into the Universe, questioning if there is existence beyond ours and if there is any kind of force that will be able to take my pain away?! It felt as if when I was born into this world my soul had been abandoned and the gates to enter God’s world had been closed. My reasoning had no logic, but my ‘Self’ had me believing I was not worthy!? But why? I had died and incarnated again and again, but it seemed like I was always abandoned even with many sincere attempts to make myself heard; but there was no answer! Alas… would I ever able to be worthy? Is there such a Light in the Universe that can repair me?! My husband was on my side through this, and wanted to help me, and I am grateful for his helping hands, but I was still alone! It felt as if I didn’t have enough worth in me and I felt like a damaged and discarded piece of creation! Gosh, imprints due to hurt at the soul level are real, and can be very painful to be repaired! My heart cried, ..oh no no, You are not a discarded soul, in fact you are a precious creation of the mother and father who carefully held you while you rested in their arms! But I needed more proof than that. I was looking for some tangible connection with the Divine. If there is a Higher Self part of me that is always connected to God as said by The Masters, would it come help me? There was silence, then as if I was waiting to hear an answer, the word Aditya or the Sun came into my mind followed by the words, ‘When you look at yourself in the mirror all you can see is the Sun in the sky, that is the really you.’ The signature of the energy behind this voice was its strength. It was filled with love and compassion that understood where I was at that time, exhibiting a genuine carefulness about my Spirit. The generosity could be felt as warmth and was divinely masculine, it was not like motherly nurturing, but I was engulfed by the sense that it genuinely cared for me! I was surprised and amazed that such a positive force would offer me its energy to heal! I spoke to my husband about what I heard, and he patiently listened. Then, this force said to me, God cannot be stopped from growing with you because of physical body damage or mental illness. For God to grow in my heart, I just need belief and trust in the Universe. Even though every piece including my soul feels damaged, when there is belief, God can still grow and completely renew the rest of my body, that is the real essence of being God itself. It astonished me when I heard such a bold statement! My eyes shifted to gaze on the Sun’s ray that streamed into the house beside me through the closed-door blinds! It is as if it said, ‘Look at Me’, I am here and will be here forever, and when you call upon me, I will manifest in you, it is an unstoppable affect. After this incident, I was still surprised at what I heard and tried to integrate it. Then, I moved on with the day. Then, when I was returning home in my car, I requested again, Are you still with me my Father? It smiled, it felt like divine strength, and said – ‘I am Ambrosia within you’. Ambrosia translates to Amrutam in my language and has power to renew life itself! It is amazing that Spirit put those words that way when it answered my questions about my existence and my relationship with it!
After a week passed and I have been meditating on Spirit’s guidance, the Abrosia within my heart. It helped me with building on self worth, and it allowed myself to see the possibility of being love by God. Soon I stood I again in front of God’s gates that my Self made it look like they were closed. The gates really opened and have been greeted by the Divive father. To me that looked like one of loving father beloved characters I had watched in TV longtime ago. When I hugged by father it felt like I hugged empty space but I still felt the love, and feeling of being welcome to home. I asked for the mother and she appeared electric spark then she disappeared again. It felt as if the father and the mother share one mind, universal mind. The father and mother felt as one piece, as if it is the energy that fills all the space and also appears as part of the space. Like the pond and the lotus a whole, while we see them separately. Like the sky and the bird flying in it, I had noticed the bird but had not noticed them together as one. The interconnectedness between father and mother seemed dynamic. Any action or scene are formed by both, in every faucet of everything around us. They seemed to me as inseparable as if it is one energy.
Like myself, there are many souls that found their way home at each moment. As a soul believe it belongs at home, becomes at home. For all who find way back home, they seem to be celerated in Spirit, celebration is on going. Sweets and floral decorations, helper spirits under mother’s guidance continue their work. When thought a about Margaret, I saw her in little distance, she also had sweets in her hands. She has many special jobs. One of her job was when a soul has pain that distances from God and there was struggle to heal because of the energy blockages and when help is requested, she has most amazing experience working with such issues to help them find their way back to home! She can attend crucial emergencies for people crosses over that had similar issues, she can gently guide them. I felt later, Alan and Jean miss her of course and when they reunite when they sometime in future it felt like they would sit at around a round table and have like a tea party and have beautiful conversation, and then Maitreya, joined them. To me it felt like a circle that we journey through and reunite again. There are many souls Margaret and Maitreya trained and when they return back to Spirit, I see them having beautiful time with Margaret and Maitreya. The world of Spirit seem to be truly amazing place, the more I think of it the more it felt home me!
I have to more work to release memories that aren’t for highest good. I am glad that I have begun my work.I feel inspired and I am very thankful. I bow down to the Spirit within and the Spirit energy that regenerates and heals me. Namaste.