To the End

This year was tremendously eyes opening. I felt lonely, disappointed, stuck and still. Everything I was dreading and worried about, found me. Ego Self is restless saying that I haven’t done enough. My progress is nonsufficient and just not enough. Perhaps I’m not enough? It’s hard to shine a light to others while you can afford only a small candle for yourself. But at least I tried. I wrote. I talked. I comforted. I went even a step further with publishing my naughty book trying to accomplish something. Slow year?

My 2020 retrospective looked something like this.

A flu. I almost filed for divorce. A guest who is not leaving. Husband is building a fence. Pandemic. January.

Guest is still here. Cooking. Rain. And more rain. February.

Lockdown. Trying to buy toilet paper and potatoes. Feel like a character from Hunger games. Husband is building a fence. March.

Trying to plant a garden but don’t have a green thumb. Husband is building a tree house. April.

I found my perfect pet, my little Izzy the cat. Endless boards games with my princess. Fence and tree house are still in progress. May.

I got puppy litter and worked night shifts of taking care of them for weeks. 10 animals in the house. New renters from hell. June.

Hanging on the pool. Hot and depressing. More boards games. Fence and tree house are still in progress. July.

Extra responsibilities with house and animals. New school year. No vacation. My garden is officially dead. Almost filed for divorce. August.

Packing the house and belongings in order to rent the house. My daughter’s birthday. I lost my dearest cat. Boxes. Boxes. Body aches. Fence and tree house are almost done but we are moving. September.

We moved and lived a month in a friend’s house before we moved to ours. Living at construction site for months. No roof. No dry walls. Dust. More dust. New renters from heaven. October.

Construction site, workers, dust, no cooking. Boxes and more boxes. I have a roof. And floors. November.

I published my debut novel. Cooking without the kitchen or sink. Dust. Boxes. My wisdom tooth was impacted. Antibiotics. I went to the party. I had champagne and got COVID-19. Kitchen is still unfinished. No divorce yet. December.

Conclusion.

I still don’t have job, money, or any success. I haven’t been able to see my mom and family in Europe. I haven’t accomplished anything from my list. As I said, kitchen is still not done.

I’m finishing this 2020. In my bed with COVID-19 symptoms, delightfully tired and deflated, with all aspiring plans on hold. I’m trying to cheer myself up with ‘feel good movies’ and comfy blankets. I’m going to spend the most amazing night of the year alone in self isolation. Hopefully, I will have enough breath to whistle at midnight. 😉

So, my sarcastically told retrospective of 2020 isn’t something to brag about, but it is funny in a way. I don’t have any expectations and I’m not doing my list for 2021. Staying modest and alive will be my priority.

I’m grateful though for my friends and family, they are alive and well. Hopefully, they will stay alive and well in 2021 and that’s the only wish I have. Happy new year!