What Are You Made Of?
Last month I wrote an article on Illusion, and how it can assist someone in reaching detachment. It served me to some extent for sure. Then there are cases of deep wounds that turn into an unconscious pattern. So, noticing that a wound exists in our being, and that it is not in alignment with our ‘best self’, is a great accomplishment. Awareness of the pattern provides us the opportunity to work on shifting it towards a positive.
For example, say I had a thought to go out to take a break, then followed by a thought that it might not be a good idea because I need to be dressed in a certain way, or I don’t want to waste my energy as I need it to take care of my children and home etc. So, I talk myself out of it, keep working and consequently become even more unhappy. For a moment I observed this process from a little bit of a distance. So, before the thought came in, I felt fine, but after the thought I felt awful. Why? There must be something that didn’t align with my ‘best self’. I felt that the way I talked myself out from going out, is my ‘self’ being very crafty. The ‘self’ can be a formidable foe as Maitreya would say. For me it knows my hidden fears of being judged by others looks, it knows how I am comfortable to look beautiful because of memories of victimization in the past, it knows I want to be my best possible version at work and at home, it knows how I might feel helpless when I run out of energy to protect myself from elements, it knows I like to keep up with ‘my schedule’, it knows I do not want to cause discomfort to other family members because there’s a sense of pride in it etc. What a mix up, the back and forth of things with no way out. The Self loves to be in comfort zone and does not like change. It is the Self that pulls one of these ingrained patterns, or a hidden fear that from subconscious from a past situation, or it can connect to ‘others self’ can make them say something make me stay where I am, and not move forward. So instead of dealing with these feelings and contemplating on cause and letting go, letting the layers of the onion peel off, I just deny my needs thinking things will be fine, and then realizing I am even more unhappy? 🤔 As Margaret mentioned in one of her teachings, ‘We are body, mind and spirit and we need to balance all three’. So, am I doing fine with my body and spirit in the above example? My recent experiences with detachment have given me immense peace and helped me gauge that escaping or running away from the onion peeling process is not really detachment. There is not much peace in running away, it runs out quickly.
An interesting thing I found is, if I had to draw a graph of how my thoughts cause a reaction in me that doesn’t align with my best self vs those that align with my best self, most of them don’t align with my best self! Most of them are just mind chatter. The more I observe, the more shocking it is to me on how many of these thoughts could eventually manifest, especially when there is strong patterning. So, when I am looking at those strong patterned thoughts, sometimes I might feel that the lesson has been learned but realize there is still more to learn when a slightly more intense situation is experienced. It might feel gut wrenching to go through these learning experiences, but if you observe there is also beauty in it too. Margaret is my true inspiration, and my conversations with her, her fight with her ‘self’ and her ‘higher self’ when she lived in India, they are true treasures of my life. As I go through my life, I understand her teachings a bit deeper each day. Some situations take a lot more courage than the others to overcome. But Maitreya mentioned ‘Courage is the manifestation of the power of Love’. Love is our true nature, I believe. What are you made of? 💕 My best wishes to you on your journey.